A woman named Hailey wrote a heartfelt letter to us, and we had mixed feelings reading her honest and emotional story. She said her partner was very controlling about her and their baby, insisting their son should only have his last name. Hailey did the opposite and gave the baby her own last name. Now, her partner is very angry, and his behavior is really upsetting Hailey.
Hailey and her partner had a confrontation about the baby’s surname.
Hailey, 32, wants to ask our readers for their opinions and advice on what to do in her complicated situation.
Hailey began her letter, saying, “I had a baby five weeks ago with my partner, and we’re not married. We’ve been together for four years, and I’ve made many compromises in this relationship. When I told him I was pregnant, he was so happy, and so was I. We started planning for the future, including our baby’s name. We had some disagreements but finally chose a first name we both liked.”
Hailey explained, “The baby’s last name was a big issue for us. My partner wanted only his last name for the baby. I suggested using both of our last names, hyphenated, because it would be easier for the baby to have both names.”
Hailey continued, “My partner kept saying it was ‘traditional,’ ‘the right thing to do,’ and ‘his right as a man’ for the baby to have his last name. He said I would be disrespecting him if I didn’t agree and even threatened that I might end up as a single parent if I didn’t give in.”
Hailey wrote, “He insisted his decision was final and the baby would have his last name. This was late in my pregnancy, and I didn’t want to argue, so I just told him I understood.”
Hailey made her own decision and doesn’t regret it.
The woman shared, “I went into labor and had a wonderful baby boy. I secretly gave him my last name, a decision I made the moment I held him. When the birth certificate arrived a few weeks ago, my partner saw it and was furious. He said I broke our ‘agreement’ to use his last name.”
“I told him I never agreed to it. I just said I understood his point, but I never said ‘yes.’ I reminded him that I wasn’t going to do all the work of having a baby just for him to get his way with the last name.”
Hailey explained, “I also told him that if he cared so much about tradition, he should have married me before having a baby. He ignored that. I told him it’s also traditional for him to be the provider, but I do that too. I pointed out the flaws in his logic. His threats and ultimatums during my pregnancy didn’t work. He should have known better and not expected me to not share a surname with my child.”
“He was so angry and said the baby should only have one last name. I told him the baby does have one last name—mine. Now he’s upset and complaining to his family, and they are all against me. Am I wrong in this situation?”
