A 35-year-old woman wrote a letter to us about her husband’s extreme frugality. She doesn’t think being careful with money is bad, but in their family, it’s gone too far. It’s causing her a lot of frustration and embarrassment. She wanted to share her story with us and asked for our readers’ opinions on whether her concerns are valid.
Kelly’s family doesn’t have any financial problems, except for one thing.
Kelly, a 35-year-old mom with three kids. “My husband Mike and I have been happily married for over 12 years. I stay at home to take care of the kids while Mike works full-time and supports us financially.”
Kelly shared, “Mike earns a good salary, and it doubled last year when he became a partner in his company. With his income, we should be comfortable, but we’re not. I’m always stressed about money because of Mike’s extreme frugality.”
Kelly cannot come to terms with her husband’s financial philosophy.
Kelly explained, “We only spend money on essentials like food, clothes for the family, and bills. That’s it. I can’t even afford to buy gifts for my loved ones because Mike thinks it’s a waste of money. He believes that showing love and care is more important than giving presents.”
She continued, “I have an old phone that’s been damaged by our kids, but I can’t get a new one because Mike says my current phone works fine for calls and texts. He thinks I don’t need a new one.”
Kelly added, “Things got worse when Mike decided to start saving money on his own clothes. Even though his job requires a strict dress code, he wears old sweaters and jeans to work while his colleagues wear suits.”
Kelly finds the situation quite embarrassing and it’s taking a toll on her social life, too.
Kelly said, “The only thing Mike doesn’t mind spending money on is trips and adventures. We travel a lot, which I enjoy, but I feel left out among my friends because I can’t afford many things. Whenever I want to buy some extra clothes or go to a nice restaurant, Mike’s frugality becomes a problem. We argue about money often, and I have to convince him that I really need something.”
Kelly defended her husband by saying, “Mike isn’t cheap when it comes to buying quality food or clothes for our kids, their education, or medical needs. He’s a great dad and husband. But I don’t understand why I always have to miss out on things I need for myself, like a new phone, makeup, or even a vacuum cleaner. We need one, but we’re still using our old one because Mike thinks it’s fine, even though it doesn’t work properly.”
Kelly’s husband has a reasoning behind his frugality, which Kelly just can’t come to terms with.
Kelly said, “I’ve talked to Mike many times about this, but his explanations just make me angry. He always looks at me like he despises me and says he hates spending money on things that show off wealth too much. I’ve told him it’s unfair and embarrassing to live like this, but he just keeps saying it’s not his style and he’s fine with what we have. He says we don’t need to prove anything to others, even though people do talk about us, but he just doesn’t care.”
Kelly continued, “I’m tired of arguing with Mike about every little thing I want to buy. I’m tired of feeling embarrassed in front of my friends and family because I can’t even afford to buy them gifts often. I really want to be more independent and start earning my own money, but with three kids, it’s impossible for me right now. I need advice on how to make my husband listen to me. What could be a compromise here? Do you think I’m overreacting, or is this a normal situation?”
And here’s another family story that began with a big misunderstanding between spouses and took an unexpected turn. A woman kept finding random tampons in their family bathroom. When she asked her husband about it, she didn’t get a reasonable explanation, so she decided to install cameras throughout the house. What she discovered later was beyond her understanding.
