Frank, 38, wrote to us feeling angry about how his wife treats his sons from his first marriage. He feels she’s treating them unfairly by not spending money on them while she spends a lot on her own daughter from her previous relationship. Frank shared his story with us, seeking advice from our readers on what to do next.
Frank, 38, wrote a heartfelt letter to our editors, sharing a difficult family situation. He’s seeking advice and opinions from others on what he sees as a sensitive issue. Frank knows he might face criticism but hopes for helpful advice from those who understand his situation.
He begins his letter by explaining, “My wife Kelly, 35, and I have been married for 3 years. This isn’t our first marriage. Kelly went through a painful divorce before we met, and she has a 6-year-old daughter named Emily who lives with us. Her ex-husband isn’t involved in Emily’s life. In contrast, I have a cordial relationship with my ex-wife Rosa, and we share custody of our two sons, aged 8 and 10.”
“Everything was going smoothly in our blended family until my ex-wife lost her job, leaving her with a tight budget to support our sons. This changed the dynamics in my current family.”
Frank continues, “Financially, things have always been a bit stressful in our new family. Kelly runs a successful small business and earns three times more than I do as a middle-level manager in a law firm. My income covers our basic needs and my children’s, but I can’t afford extra expenses right now.”
“Since my ex-wife’s job loss, I’ve taken on more financial responsibility for my sons, which I’m okay with. However, I’ve noticed something that frustrates and angers me about Kelly’s behavior.”
“I feel that Kelly treats my sons unfairly compared to her daughter. She spends large amounts on Emily, buying designer clothes, expensive gadgets, and paying for private school and tutors. I believe Emily is being overly spoiled for her age. It seems like Kelly’s sole focus is on giving her daughter everything she wants and more.”
“On the other hand, Kelly is unwilling to spend extra money on my sons. She understands our financial situation with my ex-wife and knows we can only afford necessities for them. Despite knowing what my boys dream of and having the means to do so, she never buys them gifts or anything special. It’s as if my sons don’t matter to her.
Frank shared, “I recently talked to Kelly about my feelings towards her treatment of my kids. I told her I was upset and asked her to be more involved with my boys, especially since their birthdays are coming up. I hoped she could help pick out nice presents for them. Kelly listened, but her response left me questioning our entire relationship.”
“She responded angrily, saying my kids have both their parents. She argued that she couldn’t take responsibility for my ex-wife’s financial struggles and that it’s my job to provide for my children. Kelly insisted that I shouldn’t involve her in my family issues or complain about my problems. This really surprised me because I thought we faced our challenges together as a family. It seems Kelly doesn’t see it that way, and now I’m doubting how she feels about me too.”
“She used to tell me she loved me and would support me through tough times, but now that I need help the most, she’s refusing and spending money only on Emily.”
“I feel like my kids are missing out on happiness, and I believe Kelly’s lack of empathy is to blame. I’ve been thinking about moving out for a while to sort things out before talking to her again. What do you think I should do about this conflict?”
