A woman is facing a tough situation that tests love, memory, and identity. Her husband wants to name their daughter after his late wife, but she doesn’t agree.
She explained the situation:
I (39F) have been married to my husband (45M) for 3 years now. We have a great relationship, and I couldn’t ask for anything better.
Before me, he was married at 35 for about a year and a half, but sadly, his wife passed away from a serious illness. They had been together for over 4 years, and the way he talks about her, it seems like they had a fairy-tale love.
His late wife was diagnosed with a heart problem during their marriage, and although doctors said she could live a normal life, she still expected to die soon. Later, she was diagnosed with a lung condition and started preparing for death. She told my husband that she wanted him to remarry and live a normal life. However, she asked him to name his future daughter after her, as she had always wanted children but couldn’t have any.
Before we got married, my husband shared this story with me, but he didn’t tell me about his late wife’s request. I felt bad for him and supported him whenever he needed it.
Now, I’m pregnant with our first child, and we are both very happy. But when we started talking about baby names for our daughter, my husband insisted on naming her after his late wife.
I refused because I don’t want our daughter to carry that burden. I feel like he will always see our daughter as a reminder of his late wife, not as his own child. He then told me about the promise he made to his late wife and said that naming our daughter after her is his way of honoring her memory.
I haven’t told him how I really feel. I just said we’ll think about it since it’s still early to decide. But I feel hurt, like he still chooses his late wife over me, even after all these years.
I feel like a “rebound,” and although I know I’m not a victim, the way he is pushing for this name makes me feel like I’m not as important. I don’t want him to honor his late wife like this because I’m afraid our daughter will always remind him of her.
What should I do, and am I wrong for feeling this way?
People stood on her side.
- “You can’t make a pact on someone else’s behalf. He knew when making the promise to his wife, that any daughter would have another parent, who also would have to agree to the daughter’s name. Sounds like he needs some counseling to deal with the unresolved grief having a daughter is bringing up for him. No rational person would think this was a fair or reasonable request.
- “Your daughter deserves her own identity.”
- “He’s treating you as a surrogate for his late wife.”
