Weddings are supposed to be happy days, but things can go wrong. If someone interferes with the guest list or if your partner keeps big secrets, it makes things worse. When the groom chooses his family over his bride, the wedding can end before it starts.
The bride asked for advice.
“I am a 27-year-old woman, and my fiancé, Alex, is 30. We have been engaged for a year and were planning our wedding for the end of summer. Everything was going well until a few weeks ago, when Alex’s family surprised me.
Alex’s family is very close and has always helped with our wedding planning. Recently, I found out they invited Alex’s ex-girlfriend, Sarah, to our wedding. Alex and Sarah dated for about 5 years and broke up 2 years ago. They are still friendly, but I never felt comfortable with her being at our wedding.
When I talked to Alex about it, he said it’s a family tradition to invite ex-partners if they’re still friends, and it would be rude not to invite her. He insisted it wasn’t a big deal and that Sarah is just part of their social circle. I tried to explain that having Sarah at our wedding made me uncomfortable and lessened the importance of the day for me.
Alex responded that I was being unreasonable and selfish for not considering his family’s feelings. He argued that it would cause unnecessary drama to uninvite Sarah now and that we should just focus on enjoying the day. I couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t just about inviting an ex, but also about my place in Alex’s life and if I was truly important to him.
After a lot of discussions, I decided I couldn’t go through with the wedding under these conditions. I canceled the venue and all our plans, explaining to Alex and his family that I couldn’t marry someone who didn’t respect my feelings about such an important issue.
Now, Alex and his family are very angry with me. They think I am overreacting and should have been more flexible. Some of my friends and family think I did the right thing, while others feel I might have acted too quickly.
People on the internet shared their opinions regarding this situation.
- “I know that’s not your main problem, but I’m amazed by people getting married so fast. There are tons of things people can hide for 2 years. I understand getting engaged at 2 years, but married seems so fast.
I guess you’re seeing that in action now. You’re seeing how he doesn’t really care about your feelings.”
- “This might be a spicy take, but having a partner with healthy relationships with their exes is a green flag. Don’t make a problem where there isn’t one.”
- “What an absolutely wild family tradition. So she’s not even the mother of his child or anything, she’s literally just an ex-girlfriend? Crazy. Absolutely insane.
I’d give the ring back if your fiancé seriously won’t see your side in this. Do not marry into a family where that’s normal and YOU are the one being painted as crazy for being uncomfortable with it!”
- “Staying with Alex is just asking for trouble. My family and I are on good terms with one of my exes, and none of my following relationships have had any crosses with my ex by me or my family. The most I would have to do with my ex is once in a while a “Hey, how are ya” or a “Happy birthday”. That’s it.”
- “I guess you’ll get an invite to his next wedding. You know how you deserve to be treated and accept nothing less.”
