Deciding whether to let your aging parents live with you is a tough choice. It’s emotional and involves cultural, personal space, and financial factors.
Here’s what happened to a 33-year-old woman:
She’s been living in her own home for a few years. She bought it with her own money and worked hard to make it a comfortable place. She had a rough childhood in an unstable environment.
Her parents, who are now in their 60s, have always been bad with money. Despite her efforts to help them manage, they keep making bad financial choices. Recently, my parents lost their home and asked if they could stay with me for a while. But adding two more adults to my house would be crowded. I also really value my privacy and independence.
More importantly, my parents don’t respect my boundaries. Last time they stayed with me, they criticized my life choices, moved my furniture around without asking, and even argued with my neighbor. I suggested they find a cheap rental and offered to pay their first month’s rent. I also looked up government help they could get. But they said no, insisting family should help each other and it’s my job to help them now.
My siblings have different opinions—my older brother thinks I’m cold-hearted, but my younger sister gets why I’m worried. They can’t take our parents because their places are too small. My parents are trying to make me feel guilty. They say they took care of me as a kid and now it’s my turn. They’ve also told our relatives I’m abandoning them, so now I’m getting criticized by family. It’s making me question my choice, even though I know having them here would hurt my mental health.
Many people supported her decision.
- “It was their JOB to take care of you growing up, you didn’t ask to be born. It’s not your job nor responsibility to take care of them.”
- “If you let them move in, they’ll never move out. They will take over your house, try to control your life, and will amp up the expectations of what you ‘owe’ them and will keep guilt-tripping you until the end.”
- “Please, learn from my mistakes. I regret letting my mom move in with me. Biggest regret of my life so far. She’s been staying with me for about a year now, and I did not expect her to be here that long, but it just happened.”
- “For your own sake, mental health and wellbeing, DO NOT let them move in! They have turned to guilt you so you’ll ’forget’ all about their past behaviors and hopefully be convinced that family does come first.
