Growing up, he felt neglected. His parents, trying to be good people, took in many foster children. His needs were ignored. Now, his parents need help, but he’s not willing to offer it.
He shared his story:
I’m 34 now. My life could have been okay, but my parents became foster parents. They wanted to help kids in need, which was noble.
The downside was that I got ignored. I got less attention because I was “independent” and didn’t “need help.”
Gifts from my grandparents became gifts for the family. My grandparents stopped giving me gifts and instead took me out for movies, meals, and trips. My dad’s parents took me to Disneyland, and my mom’s parents took me to NYC.
My parents tried to get the money for these things given to them instead. I begged my grandparents not to do that.
I left home at 17. I graduated early and got into a trade. My grandfather, who was in the union, helped me get in. I’ve been working for 17 years now, and I’m doing okay.
My parents are not. They got exhausted from taking in so many kids. The money they got wasn’t enough to make up for their sacrifices.
They asked me for help, and I said no. I know they will just waste it on the kids they took in after I left. I told them to ask those foster kids for money.
People stood on his side.
- “Your parents ignored you and tried to take money from you. You are not ‘holding a grudge from childhood.’ You are simply recognizing a pattern; that they never made you a priority.
- They were irresponsible in their financial planning by taking in so many kids. That’s not your problem. Tell your wife I do not think you are being ‘mean.’ You just don’t want to be taken advantage of.”
- “A question I like to ask myself is ‘to what end?’ It seems in this case that giving money to his parents does not provide any resolution. It wouldn’t be a one-off event and then the parent’s problems are solved. Just look at the grandparents – they tried helping monetarily, and now they had to turn that off because giving money does not solve the problem.”
- “It isn’t your job to support them. There are limits and they’ll have to realize that. If they can’t afford to take in so many kids, and the payments for the foster kids do not make up the difference, then they will simply have to take in fewer. That’s fine. It isn’t great for the kids, for them to massively overextend themselves anyways.”
