When family dynamics get complicated, tensions can arise, especially around childcare. One common issue is the expectation for grandparents to babysit.

She explained what happened.

My son and daughter-in-law have been married for about seven years and have two kids. All my children are now grown and living independently. My husband and I are still working and plan to retire in about 10–15 years, around the age of 70.

My relationship with my daughter-in-law was much better before the grandchildren came into the picture. They live 30 minutes away, and she often tries to drop the kids off with me. Initially, I thought my son knew about this, but a conversation revealed he had no idea. I showed him the numerous texts requesting babysitting, and he was surprised to learn that I had babysat 16 times in a month. He believed it had only been twice. It turns out she had been leaving the kids with me to socialize, while my son thought she was taking them along.

To make communication clear, I started using a group chat with both my son and daughter-in-law, responding to her babysitting requests only there. If she sent multiple texts, I would post screenshots in the group chat for my son to handle.

We talked about the issue, and she said she wanted her kids to have a close relationship with their grandparents like she did. I explained that, since I was still working, I couldn’t babysit every other day like her grandparents had. We agreed on having a “grandma’s day” every two weeks.

This worked for about a year, but with my son now traveling for work, the issue came up again. The time difference makes it hard for him to step in quickly. Recently, she showed up at my house unexpectedly, asking me to babysit while she went shopping. I had enough and told her I had my own life and wouldn’t be the kind of grandmother she expected. I warned her that if she left the kids with me without asking, I would call the police for abandonment.

She called me a jerk and left angrily. Later, my son called, trying to smooth things over and suggested I might have gone too far.