Monica, a 33-year-old woman, wrote us an emotional letter about her surprising family story. She and her husband have an open marriage and are happy with it. But something unexpected happened – Monica got pregnant by another man. Now, the couple is struggling with the results of their open relationship, and Monica is looking for advice on what to do next.
Monica and her husband had been very happy with their open marriage.
Monica, 33, sent us a letter asking for advice about her complicated family situation.
She began, “I have an open relationship with my husband, Todd. We’ve been married for 5 years, and for the last 2 years, we’ve had an open marriage. It keeps our relationship fresh. I wasn’t sure about it at first, but eventually, I saw more benefits than drawbacks. We’re not jealous, but we value honesty. We agreed this would be temporary and go back to a traditional marriage if either of us felt uncomfortable.
Monica then explained her current problem. “Everything was fine. Last December, I started seeing another guy regularly. Todd also had a woman he was seeing, and we were both still in love. But last month, I found out I’m pregnant with twins from my other partner.”
“I was on birth control and didn’t expect this. It took me time to tell Todd. At first, he was very supportive and said, ‘I love you, honey, and these babies are a part of you, so I will love them too.’ I was happy with his reaction because I’ve had health issues and was told I might not conceive. This felt like a chance to be a mom.”
However, things took a turn. “Recently, Todd changed his mind when he realized the biological father wanted to be involved. Todd said he’d be okay as long as the biological father stayed out of our lives. Todd was raised by a stepdad and has a distant relationship with his biological father. He always wanted his biological father to be more involved, so I don’t understand why he can’t relate to our situation and expects our kids to not want their biological father around.
The family is in a big conflict now and the woman is desperate.
Monica said, “Todd recently told me that having these kids in our life will never make us happy. At 3 am yesterday, he left me a letter before going on a business trip. It said I have to choose between keeping the babies or getting divorced.”
Monica admitted, “I feel torn because this might be my only chance to have babies. I haven’t been able to get pregnant for years, and what if it never happens again? This is what’s making everything so hard for me. I really need advice, but I can’t decide how to stay with Todd and have babies at the same time.”
