A 35-year-old woman is really worried about how close her husband is with his colleague. Even though she’s usually felt fine about their relationship, lately she’s been noticing some things that don’t sit right with her. She’s so worried that she wrote to us for help, asking what others think about the situation. She’s not sure if her feelings are right, but she wants to make sure she’s not making a mistake in her marriage, so she’s seeking advice.
Andrea, who is 35 years old, reached out to us because she’s really worried about her husband’s relationship with one of his colleagues. She’s unsure if she’s overreacting or if there’s a real problem.
She explained, “I’m a beautician, and my husband Paul, who is 33, is an engineer. He’s really smart and I’ve always been proud of him. But he has this colleague named Alyson who is also very smart and beautiful. Paul is really close to her and even calls her his ‘work wife.’
Until recently, I never had any issues with their relationship. I felt confident in our marriage because we’re both independent and happy together. We’ve been together for 8 years and married for 2.
Andrea is worried about the suspicious turn in her husband’s relationship with his “work wife.
Andrea continued her letter, describing a recent trip she and her husband, Paul, took with his colleagues. It’s an annual tradition at his workplace.
She said, “After we got back from the trip, I couldn’t shake off this bad feeling. It felt like Paul and Alyson, his colleague, were paying more attention to each other than to me or Alyson’s husband.”
During a dinner on the second night of the trip, things got tense. Andrea felt ignored by Paul, so she struck up a conversation with Alyson’s husband. Meanwhile, Alyson and Paul were engaged in a heated argument.
“Alyson suddenly turned to us and made a snide remark about us only talking about ‘makeup and pop stars’ because I’m a beautician,” Andrea explained. “It made me feel belittled and like an outsider. Paul just laughed it off, and Alyson’s husband thought it was rude. I didn’t say anything because I was so upset.”
“On the last day of the trip, I spent most of my time with Alyson’s husband and ignored the other two,” Andrea concluded.
Andrea appeared to be in a very complex situation.
The woman shared, “Alyson’s husband reached out to me recently, wanting to discuss our partners. He mentioned feeling uneasy about his wife’s relationship with my husband. He even went through Alyson’s messages and sent me screenshots where Paul and Alyson were mocking me.”
Andrea explained, “Mostly, it was Alyson being mean about me, and Paul joining in with laughter. Sometimes he’d joke, saying things like, ‘But I love her,’ and Alyson would reply, ‘You only like ignorant women, they’re easy to deal with.’ Paul would laugh along, thinking it was all just a joke. When they weren’t making fun of me, they were talking about work. In one message, Paul even told Alyson, ‘I love your brain.'”
“I couldn’t help but cry when I saw the screenshots. I’ve always felt insecure about my intelligence and my job. I’ve been running my own business for over 12 years and make a decent income,” Andrea confessed. “I never considered myself dumb. I love learning about history, languages, and cultures. But seeing my husband complimenting his colleague’s intellect hurt me even more than the insults. I’m really confused about what to think.”
Things are getting even more tense and suspicious for the woman.
Andrea told Paul about everything. She showed him the messages from Alyson’s husband. Paul wondered why her husband was checking her messages, but Andrea explained that he was concerned about their relationship. She told Paul how uncomfortable she felt about the situation.
But Paul’s response wasn’t reassuring. He seemed confused and said Alyson was just jealous and not worth worrying about. Andrea told him she was more bothered by how he found Alyson’s insults amusing. She asked why he allowed Alyson to humiliate her in their messages, but he didn’t have a clear answer.
Then, Alyson’s husband called Andrea again and revealed that Alyson admitted having feelings for Paul. She even said they kissed at a summer party. When Andrea confronted Paul, he confessed that Alyson kissed him, but he rejected her.
Feeling lost and hurt, Andrea doesn’t know what to do. She’s torn between believing Paul loves her and suspecting something is going on between him and Alyson. She’s confused and no one in her family wants to talk about it. Andrea feels like she’s being seen as overly dramatic, but the situation deeply hurts her. She doesn’t know what step to take next.
